Samuel Clemons aka Mark Twain

I have been remiss of late in my ability to relate anything of significant interest or noteworthiness. I do have a noblesse oblige to the readers of my blog. To wit I am a tad chagrined to say the least by my inability to invoke tolerable responses from my conservative friends. I do manage to inadvertently rouse the admonitions of several Democratic acquaintances and friends. Thus I will attempt to write something a lighter note and perhaps more jovial in nature.

I have read extensively and have several noted authors that I admire tremendously. Namely Robert Michener and his epic sagas that brought me from the moment of creation to the present day. Shakespeare in his shear genius and ingenuity of creative prose. My favorite author is Samuel Clemons, better known as Mark Twain. His sarcastic and ironic witticism is absolutely applicable today and will be the subject of this blog.

In the Old Testament Book of Ecclesiastics, King Solomon noted that "there is nothing new under the sun". I will endeavor to relate Mark Twain’s witticism and sarcastic humor which should encourage us to reflect and laugh at ourselves


How many of you can recall a Mark Twain quote? That is truly sad because he was very prolific in his collection of witticisms and bombastic humor. I think Mark Twain is most known for his books; The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer. If you didn’t read these books in grade school then you missed out on two American classics.

William Faulkner called Mark Twain the “Father of American Literature” Why? It was because Samuel Clemons was the first American writer to use vernacular or colloquial speech or what we would call Southern American slang in his novels. I could write his bio but that would be lengthy but I would like to note that he got his pen name, Mark Twain, from the riverboat slang meaning two fathoms or 12 feet, the depth necessary for a riverboat.

Suppose you were an idiot and then suppose you were a member of congress, but then I repeat myself”. I would note that Mark Twain didn’t think much of his congress either.

It’s not these size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog” I think this quote speaks to having confidence in your ability and being self-reliant with an ambition to succeed. Buck up and face your problems and adversaries! Well said Mark Twain!

Let us be thankful for the fools, but for them the rest of us could not succeed” Amen! Brother Twain! Away with that Tom Foolery and absurd nonsense! Everyone needs a good dose of common sense. By the way Brother Samuel Clemons was a Masonic Brother, being he was a Mason like myself. He was a member of Polar Lodge # 79 in St. Louis, Mo. He was also an honorable man. He had to declare bankruptcy once because of an investment failure but later repaid every one of his creditors in full even though he didn’t have too.

I often equate myself with Brother Twain and I would like to emulate him in his writing style as well as his ironic sarcastic humor which is so endearing. I fear I come off as more testy and grumpy, an old curmudgeon with a sour disposition. I took note of a line of poetry the other day that sort of describes my attitude. “Might I were to weld a policeman’s RayBans over my ocular orifices that I might see only wrong” Let that sink in a bit! I’m still thinking about it!

A lie can travel half way around the world while truth is putting on its shoes” How about that for being pertinent today? With the Internet, Twitter and all the fake news we are bombarded with, who can distinguish the truth. It just depends on what party you belong to and what you are gullible enough to believe. You certainly got that right Brother Clemons! Another quote about this is; “If you don’t read the paper you are uninformed, if you do read it you are misinformed

Concerning the difference between man and the jackass, some observers hold that there isn’t any but this wrongs the jackass” Hey! Brother Mark Twain correctly identifies our self-serving politicians as corrupt and gluttonous in their avarice for power. Their only concern is getting re-elected. They could care less about the people they serve. I bet Mark Twain’s congress was a notch better than ours.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living, the world owes you nothing. It was here first” Yep! It is my stern belief that you are not entitled to anything you haven’t earned. Nothing is free! Someone has to pay for the free stuff- you and me! In church this morning I was reminded in Romans 5 verse 4 that tribulation and suffering produces patience and determination which produces character and rectitude thus we cherish hope.

Mark Twain was a Presbyterian but didn’t hold the church or religion in high regard. He had a running battle with the Catholic Church and was even censured for his language concerning race and religion. “Faith is believing what you know aint so “I love it! “If Christ were here right now, one thing he wouldn’t be is a Christian” Mark Twain stated “he believed in the Almighty God but not in any messages” A very Masonic tenant being we don’t like dogma nor doctrine. Another quote would be “The universe is governed by strict and immutable laws which determine small matters” A man after my heart. Gawd! I wish I could write like this man. “If our Maker is all powerful for good and evil, he is not in his right mind

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you, this is the principal difference between a dog and a man” Yea! You can never take back or reduce an entitlement, the people become dependent and will riot if you attempt to reduce it or take it away. The US Park Service tells us to not feed the animals being they will become dependent on us and quit foraging for themselves. Isn’t there a lesson here?

Here I go again, just bitching about all that upsets me. I am so sorry and perhaps I should just quit blogging being I can’t write anything worthy of reading that is not a dialogue with myself. I have tried to write about Mark Twain but my Democratic friends have probably already stopped reading this article being they think it’s a recrimination of them. I might remind you that I am neither Republican nor Democratic and I voted for neither Trump nor Hillary. I now consider myself an anarchist- burn it down and replace every damn congressman in Washington!

Anarchism; Noun, A doctrine or attitude centered on a belief that all forms of government are corrupt and oppressive, basically anti big government. Extreme libertarian-ism. As an anarchist I believe in non-mandated/unforced equality which is the fundamental principal of Anarchism.

My cacophonous essay on Mark Twain and mankind. I should be more reticent and speak with a mellifluous blandishment on the sophistry of our government but alas, my silence would be but a glorious symphony to the truth that I observe when I view the trees in their ageless countenance and wisdom. The Democrats view me as an ignorant misinformed country rube without enlightenment. A racist bigoted demigod who is profoundly ignorant and selfish without morals or rectitude of character. I am inherently evil because I am Pro Life and believe in the eternal asomatous spark that dwells within an unborn child. Ignorant My Ass! You Buffoons

If I had my druthers I would emulate Samuel Langhorne Clemons. He was a man of my own heart and I sense a kindred spirit. He was defender of the underdog and harsh critic of everything powerful and oppressive. He was red headed and affable, canny in intellect, egocentric and ambitious and married well and was also ambitious in the pursuit of wealth but he despised capitalism. He thought the institution of slavery and the treatment of Asian immigrants was an anathema to the American ideal. Insensible was his regard of the Native Americans whom he thought were untrustworthy.

There are many humorous things in this world, one being savages have always been wronged by whites among them the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages” Like me he was a southerner and was part of the confederacy for a short time but decried slavery. He married into a liberal northern family but shot arrows at the most powerful. I wonder if the liberals will pull down his statue being he used the term ”Nigger Jim” in his classic Huckleberry Finn. He was aiding this escaped slave. They need to read the novel.

I know I am ululating (new word-means howling) at the moon because there is no sense in the world today. I will again repeat that there is a fever that has broken out in America and its liberal progressive madness. As much as I hate and despise those neo-Nazis, skinheads, KKK, Arian brotherhood and white supremacists. I would link arms with anyone who would stand beside me and prevent the removal of history as in the statue of Robert E Lee. Has America become like the Taliban and Isis in destroying history that they deem offensive. It is history and heritage and we shouldn’t be trying to rewrite history like it never happened. Robert E Lee, Stonewall Jackson, Hood and so many others were Union generals who fought in the Mexican/American War. They sided with their State of Virginia during the War of Northern Aggression (the North Invaded the South) and it wasn’t about slavery. Like the revolutionary War, slaves were freed hoping they would rise up against the colonists and the southerners. That was 150 years ago and is history. Learn from it so you don’t repeat it, but of course the Black Lives Matters and Liberal progressives haven’t read a history book. They are absolutely ignorant of any pertinent facts.

I heard they were trying to remove the family name of Lynch from all texts because it reminded them or intimidated them. Hey! Cattle rustlers and horse thieves were also hung (lynched) Get over yourselves!

I will make note that Mark Twain was born Nov. 30, 1835 in Florida, Missouri and spent his formidable years in Hannibal, Missouri as a riverboat pilot. He was born when Halley’s Comet was in the sky and he made the prediction that he would go out (die) when it returned. He died the second day of its return in 1910.

It is said that he became bitter in his final years. He married Olivia Landon. He and Livy had four children of which three died prematurely; one shortly after birth, one by diphtheria, one by epilepsy. I am still mystified by today’s predilection for abortion when families like the Twain’s did everything they could to get a child to adulthood.

I will quote Mark Twain on his position on Heaven which is hilarious. He stated “Heaven goes by favor, if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in" Mark tells us to" Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company" I like this one" I don't commit myself about heaven or hell, you see, I have friends in both"

The last story Mark Twain wrote was "Captain Stormfield's visit to Heaven" It was written shortly before his death and he described mankind' vision of heaven as being ludicrous. Wearing white robes and playing harps and doing without man's most pleasurable experience, sex, No cigars or whiskey was absolutely absurd and that it sounded like hell to him. True sarcastic wit. RIP Brother Twain!