Oh! Lawd!

1)Precocious: Adjective, intelligent, advanced, special in mental aptitude.

2)Pernicious: Adjective, harmful, malevolent, working in a hidden or injurious way


3)Aperitif: Noun, an appetizer such as an inebriant or intoxicant

"Lawdy, Lawd! Pour s Me! Ah canst tink of nutin to rit bout?”, quipped an itinerant southern sharecropper? Not the precocious rhetoric of a polished southern gentleman. Not the molasses drawl of a classic southern movie like Gone with the Wind, when Rhett Butler chided Scarlet O’Hara. This is a medley of oxymorons being that I am neither a southern gentleman nor precocious. I am self-improved poor white trash from across the tracks at best. The Southern Aristocracy I was acquainted with were absolutely as snobbish and arrogant as any of the wealthy landed gentry of England. I watch the British serial episodes on Netflix and I am quite amused by their snobbish propriety.

I was reading my daily poem from Poetry.Com and in the follow up, the author mentioned adding an aperitif for the benefit of the readers so as to make them relish reading more of the article. I am a pernicious, ironic, sarcastic hooligan and the above was my somewhat feeble attempt at producing an aperitif. I think I'd rather drink one.

The opening sentence is Negro dialect of the old south. Translated it says: Lord, Lord! I am at a loss for something to write about. Illiteracy is not confined. I will relate an actual true story.

I was on a drilling rig in Mississippi back in the 80’s and I was conversing with the driller (who was white) and I mentioned I would not live in Mississippi and he asked why? I mentioned that Mississippi led the nation in illiteracy and its schools were at the bottom of the national ratings. The driller stared at me thoughtfully and remarked, “Yup! I nose what you talkin about- they just trow dat trash everywhur!” I hope you get my drift?

Prejudice and bias exist and I am ashamed to say I have some. I remember to this day when my daughters were young and my wife and I were performing our PTA duties dutifully. My child’s teacher was black and I prided myself about not being racist and I decried the treatment of blacks in the 60” and 70’s. I taught my daughters to never mention the”N” word. When I was speaking with her teacher, she said “I makes dem children behav and when I axed dem a question dey be best ansiring cause I don’t put up with no misbehavin. I kept a straight face and said to myself “No! Hell No!" I had my daughter placed in another class. The teacher was literate being she was a teacher but I was not going to let my daughter pick up that colloquial black verbiage.

Yes I am extremely prejudiced or biased about several things. For instance I cannot stand to watch those 1000 pound individuals on TV( my wife likes them) professing the misery of their lives. Wishing that they would lose some weight thus returning to normalcy. They got that way by uncontrolled gluttony and it disgusts me to see them lying in bed unable to roll over or go to the restroom or even bath. ACK! UGH! To have someone continually remove your human waste and tend to your bed sores while continuing to stuff their faces and sob because they are hungry. Shoot them! Shoot them now! or give them an injection, put them out of their misery. They are a drain on society and my sensibilities. Of course I realize someone loves them but I don’t.They can get surgery but most have to lose 200 or more pounds before they are even considered for bypass surgery. Their families can't support them so you and I must by our taxes thru welfare.

I also favor doing away with child sex offenders. They are not subject to rehabilitation. Even castration and drugs have proven to be ineffective in preventing their predilection to preying upon the innocent. Kill them by any means possible. Of course the liberals just say they have a disease and can be rehabilitated. BULL SHIT! Yea! That’s the way I feel and I am not apologetic!

Here I go again! I start off writing about illiteracy and end up ranting about what upsets me. Sorry! Getting back to the point. Please use proper diction if you are able. I didn’t get my writing ability from higher education, I recieved it from reading and I am still a prolific reader. I am a fan of Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) and his expertise in communicating thru his subtle southern charm and wit. Another favorite is Abraham Lincoln and the eloquence of his sublime script. These men were self-taught with a minimal of education and their words still reverberate today.

Off Note! It is up to you, we all know the slang. You can say ass or ass cheeks, butt, rear end, posterior, derriere or maximum gluttonmous. You don’t want to be in the gutter nor do you want to be a snobby academic. I guess it’s the company you’re with or keep. It stresses me to listen to black leaders like Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton speaking their black dialect when I hear other blacks like Condoleezza Rice, Sugar Ray Leonard, Colin Powell or Barack Obama speaking eloquently. I am offended by all the gang bang, rap music and ghetto language .

I live on the border with Mexico and most of my Hispanic friends took Spanish in high school even though they spoke Spanish (Tex-Mex). They wanted to learn proper Spanish or Castilian Spanish. My wife is from Mexico and I have often heard my Hispanic friends remark that she speaks High Spanish.

The first thing people make note of when they meet you is your appearance, your teeth and the words that come out of your mouth. Your breath, body odor, being loud or meek come later and we all do this. It’s a natural phenomenon just like dogs smelling each other’s rear ends. (Butts)

Powder me in sugar and call me a donut! I heard it on the TV show Big Bang and liked it. Another aperitif!